Weigh In Grrrr

Ok, so last Tuesday I put my body bugg back on.  That means I have official weekly weigh ins again.  Last week when I put it on I was at 191.6.  Today I weighed in at 190.  That's a loss of 1.6 and that's great.  So where's the grrr?  Yesterday I was 188.4, but I had a bad day yesterday.  I will probably be back down there tomorrow because I know this is a water weight thing, but it is still annoying because my official loss for the week should be higher.  That's ok though, it can just add into next week's and all will be well.

Current Official Weight - 190

Frustration and improvement

So, I have this DVD of Leslie Sansone's that is a 5 miles walk.  Back in September before things went south, it had become what I would use if I wanted to do an easy workout.  Completing the entire thing was easy for me and yet still burned a decent amount of calories (typically around 500 for slightly over an hour).  I was giving more than she asked for.  When I do this DVD I always do the arms moves even when she isn't, I always "sit down low" even when she doesn't, and I spend most of the time somewhat "boosted".  So, Monday I decided to get back to working out.  There's snow outside and there are Christmas yard decorations draped all over the room where the treadmill is so that they can dry before being put back into their boxes.  So, I was going to do my 5 mile walk with Leslie.  Or so I thought until I started doing it.  It wasn't easy anymore.  I made it all the way through the first 2 miles and slightly into the 3rd and that was it for me.  My main issue was that my feet were killing me, but I was also very tired.  Ridiculous!  I was so mad and frustrated with myself.  I wanted to cry.  Even worse, I wasn't home alone when this happened to me.  My husband and one of our friends were here.  Lovely!  A few months without exercise had turned me into a failure, as if the regain of over 20 pounds wasn't bad enough.

So, I licked my wounds and put the DVD back in yesterday.  It WAS NOT easy, but I did all 5 miles.  I also did it at the higher level I used to do it at.  I burned 639 calories in 67 minutes.  I still want back to where it was a light, easy workout, but this is improvement and I'll get there.  Then back to the treadmill and running again.

I'm In It To Lose It

So, in September I took over a 5th grade classroom as a long term sub.  The poor things had been through hell for the beginning of the year and in order to try to get everything sorted out and get them back on track I was working 14-16 hours a day.  This led to me not having time to workout.  The stress plus the fact that I was no longer working out led to me slowly straying from healthy food choices.  The situation was very stressful and I am very much a stress eater.  So, between starting in September and Jan. 3, I had put back on a bit more than 20 pounds.  I found out mid-December that the principal decided to hire another woman who was working as a long term sub in another room to take over my room (nevermind the fact that the woman had such trouble handling the 4th graders that she literally broke down almost daily in front of the children but she was the principal's friend and needed insurance so she was hired anyhow, but that's a whole different story).  I had mixed feelings about it because we could certainly use the money that would have come from being hired on full time and I adored the children, but I didn't want to work there because the principal is a moron and the school is run in a seriously idiotic manner not to mention what it was doing to my health.

So, to make a long story not at all short, I'm back in the game now.  I weighed in Jan. 3 at 194.8 and that's the day I got back on track (mostly, I'm working on it).  Today I am down to 192.6.  Considering I have yet to add any exercise back to my routine, I'm happy with that number.  Down 2.2 in a week.

I'm very annoyed with myself for allowing the weight to go back up and for not meeting my fitness goals for 2010.  However, I will complete them for 2011.  I plan to have the goals of 1,000 miles and 10,000 crunches again this year.  I don't really want to set a weight goal for the year because I'm not fond of deadline weight loss.  I will just say that my goal is to make consistent progress.

Depression and Food

So, for nearly a week now I have been depressed and eating whatever I want.  This is not good for my weight loss plans.  I am hoping to get back on track today.  I am hoping that posting this will give me some sort of accountability and help me to get back to normal and stick to it.  So far I am doing well.  I have had my normal breakfast and I have good plans for the rest of the day.  This morning I was 173.6

Yesterday I worked on purging my closet of clothing that is too big and that helped, it was kind of inspiring.  I also noticed that that I actually kinda like the naked me.  I find it funny that I noticed this at a time when I have been sooo off plan.  Maybe this noticing was given to me as a way to get me to get back to it?

B90X

Ok, so we found a church.  One of the things that was mentioned at this church was a program called B90X.  It is a program in which you read the entire Bible in 90 days (technically, 88).  I've decided to do this and have completed the first 2 days already.  I should finish on November 12.  I'm betting it's going to be an interesting journey.

Life

Weight Loss - My weight loss has slowed down to pretty much a halt.  There is a bit of me not trying hard enough, but I also have a doctor's appointment because I have spent more time in the last few months trying than not trying, but I'm still not losing.  I have decided to take my body bugg off for at least a few days and just not think about it.  I don't mean to go completely crazy and go back to my old eating ways, but I need a break from such extreme focus.

The rest of life - I have found a new church.  I like it.  The pastor wears jeans, and that is awesome.  It's a very friendly place and has a great children's program which is important because of the next new thing.  Hubby and I have started the process of adopting.  We are going through the county to adopt a foster child/children.  I am honestly hoping for a sibling set of 2-3 kids.  We are undecided so far about exactly what we are going to tell them about ages.  We have considered telling them 0-5 and we have also considered telling them up to 10 or that up to 10 would be good in a sibling set with younger kids.  We are currently in the process of prepping the house.  That means lots of sorting and clearing things out.  It also means we need to rehome some cats.  I think that 5 cats is too many anyhow, but if you add kids to it then that's definitely well above too many.

Running Shoes and Happiness

I have been having such shoes issues!  Even going to a running store and getting a professional fitting didn't work, and I tried twice!  The shoes I had been using for so long finally gave out on me - they had gotten so big on me since I have lost weight even in my feet that they were sliding all over the place and making it dangerous to run.  Sadly, I was already in the smallest size of those that the stores carry.  Thus began my shoe hunt and it has been horrid.  I started by going to the running store and they put me in some shoes that made the sides of my feet hurt if I ran for more than a few minutes.  I took them back and they put me in some that are great - for everything except what they are made for, running.  If I run or jog in them the balls of my feet are killing me at 5-10 minutes in.  They refused to do a second exchange, so my $120 Asics running shoes are now just plain gym shoes.  I went and got some Reeboks that are supposed to be for running - $110.  Ouch at about 5 minutes.  Spent over a week talking the store into an exchange.  Finally I just went to Payless and bought a $30 pair of Champions, also labeled running shoes.  All of my running shoe dreams have come true!  These things are awesome, and just to ice the cake a bit, they are much cuter than any of the others.  Sadly, my running ability has declined while I was spending all this time not running because of shoe issues.  That's ok though, I'll fix it.  I am soooo happy.  It's a bit surreal to me that running shoes have made me this happy.  Running shoes!  Me!  The girl that formerly would have only run to save her life.  Then again, I guess that's exactly what I'm doing!

Goodbye Fat Roxy

Dear Fat Roxy,

    It is time for our relationship to be over.  This has been a lifelong relationship and I almost can’t believe that I am leaving it, but I am.  I am leaving for good.  I won’t say that I’m sorry that it’s over, but I also won’t say that I’m completely sorry to have known you.  There are reasons that you were in my life, reasons that I needed you, and I thank you for being here to help me with those things.  I don’t need you anymore, though, I can do it on my own. 

    I thank you for the lessons that you have taught me.  From you I have learned a lot about me, but there has been a lot of pain too.  Because of you I have spent way too much on clothes.  Shopping has been pure hell.  I  have spent years questioning myself and my self worth.  I have found myself crying because of being criticized by others.  I have regretted not taking part in things because I was too self conscious or didn’t have the energy.  You’ve made me feel guilty for enjoying food.  You’ve made me feel ugly and unwanted.  You have caused me health problems and self esteem issues.  You have made it difficult for me to relate to others.  You have made it hard for me to have a family.  You have made me self conscious and nervous.  You turned me into a self indulgent, whiny, brat.  You have taken away my energy.  I am tired of it and I will not take it any more.  I am never going to come back to you, we are done, finished, over!

    I have a new love.  My new love is Healthy Roxy.  Healthy Roxy has given me so much more.  I have learned that food is not something to feel guilty over.  I have learned that healthy food can be yummy and addictive.  I have learned self control.  I have learned that I can be powerful, strong, healthy, sexy, vibrant, and energetic.  I have learned that I want to run.  I have learned how to set and to smash goals.  I have learned that I really can do anything I set my mind to.  I have learned how to be a good role model.  I have learned not to be afraid.  I have learned that I don’t always have to do it the “girly” way.  I have learned that muscle is good.  I have learned good habits.  I have learned that sweat won’t kill me.  I have learned to be proud.  I have learned to participate.  I have learned to stop lying to myself.  I have learned that I DO NOT need the brownies.  I have learned to love and respect me.  So, Fat Roxy, I am leaving you for Healthy Roxy because she’s better for me.  I would like to say that had I never known you I would not be able to appreciate Healthy Roxy nearly as much, and for that I will always be grateful.  However, at this point I have gotten all I can from my relationship with you and you will never see me again.


Goodbye,
Roxy

Slim In 6

I started the Slim in 6 program from Beach Body.  Today was day 3.  I'm not sure if I am going to be doing this for a full 6 weeks or not.  I don't want to get prematurely cocky, but it may get too easy for me before the 6 weeks is up.  My plan is to do Slim in 6 until it is too easy (whether that is 3 weeks or 12) and then move on to the harder programs that Beach Body offers. 

My order is going to be:
1. Slim in 6
2. P90X
3. Insanity
4. A second round of P90X, but using the P90X+ videos

I am taking sets of before and after pics for each one and I will post them as I finish each program.  I am really excited about the whole thing.  I may be a masochistic freak, but I can't wait to get to the harder stuff.

Out of my Bounce!

So today I weighed in at 167 even.  I am finally out of the 167.5-170 bounce that I had been doing for 19 days! Now to work on staying out of it.

Size 10

It is a really bad picture, but that is me in size 10 levis and a small shirt.  That's right, small!

Frustrations

On May 29 I got below 170 with a weight of 168.8.  Since then I have bounced around between 167.5 and 170 - though only in the 170s once during that time.  I have no idea what is going on.  Since I have kept perfectly to my plan and I have had some days that I have burned over 4,000 calories, this should not be happening.  I should be in the low 160s by now.  I don't know what to do.  I know what I want to do - I want to go cry into a milkshake and a pizza.  I'm not going to do that, but I want to.  I know that my plan works, if it didn't I would still be 245, but this is driving me insane!

Down But Definitely Not Out

Well, I had to have surgery.  In preparation for surgery I had to go off of any non-prescription meds for a week.  That meant no vitamins, no SlimQuick, no B-12, no energy, and some weight gain.  I am up just over 8 pounds since before the surgery - today I was at 180.4, grrrrrr!  A lot of that is probably water weight and a bit of weight from the splint on my arm, but it is still frustrating since I had just gotten truly back into the swing of things.  It went well though and my splint comes off on the 24th.  I was able to restart all my meds today and I had the energy to do a 45 minute dance workout and 40 minutes on the treadmill.  Unfortunately I can't do much for strength training with my arms because of the splint and stitches, but 12 days will pass by quickly (I hope).

Back with a Vengeance

So for most of March and about half of April I was not really in the game.  I was giving some half-hearted effort for most of it and I actually took 9 days completely off for my birthday week (not something I plan to do in future years).  During that time I bounced between the 175 I had worked so hard to get to by the end of February and about 184.  Part of it is that I started a new job, but I don't think that is a good enough excuse.  Plenty working folks manage to also find time for fitness.  So now I am back with a vengeance.  I plan to post more often as a way to keep myself accountable.  I have also decided to start planning out dinner for the month ahead of time (I already have May done).  I made it simple by sorting the days by meat choice (or lack of meat in the case of meatless Monday).  I am doing Sunday - bird, Monday - meatless,  Tuesday - fish, Wednesday - free day (that will be the day we eat leftovers or maybe go out to eat, whatever we feel like), Thursday - bird, Friday - pork, and Saturday - red meat.  After that was sorted it was just a matter of choosing a prep method, a good carb, and veggies for each day.  I don't usually choose veggies ahead of time though since for the most part what we eat is so simple and fast to prep.  We use frozen veggies, we toss the amount we want in a dish and microwave it, then we can each put seasoning on it as we like.  I have done meal plans a week ahead for a while now, but with the job thing I think planning a month ahead will free up a good deal of time for me. I'm currently at 172.6 and in a size 12.  I would like to be in a 10 by the end of July.  I know I can do that if I just stick to it and stop the excuses, so here it goes.

I'm sorry, but excuses piss me off

I've lost 70 pounds.  Of course people that know this ask me how to do it, they want my secrets.  They say what a miracle it is.  I HATE when they say it is a miracle.  It pisses me off.  I tell them it is not a miracle, it is hard work.  I am using a body bugg to help with a calorie counting program.  I weigh and measure everything I eat (ok, I don't weigh and measure at restaurants, but I rarely go out to eat).  I log every calorie that goes in my mouth and my bugg logs every calorie I burn.  I watch what I eat and I work my ass off at the gym.  I don't eat junk.  I LOVE brownies.  I haven't had one since June.  Do I want a brownie?  Hell yeah!  Do I want my health and some size 4 jeans even more?  You better believe it.  I hate being sweaty, I really really hate it.  I do not hate it as much as busting out of size 20 jeans which is what I was doing this time last year.  I do what I do because it works.  When I start explaining my plan to these people their eyes glaze over or they start making excuses why that wouldn't work for them about 30 seconds into my explanation.  Bullshit it won't work for you.  You have kids and no time to go to the gym?  There are gyms with daycare and/or parent rooms.  There are things you can do at home while the kids nap or play.  There are things you can do WITH your kids.  How about instead of popping your kid in front of elmo for the millionth time you actually get off your ass and go outside to play with them.  You can burn some serious calories chasing a 2 year old.  You can't afford a gym?  And there is some reason why you can't march in place while watching the hours of television that I know you watch?  You have a living room you can exercise in.  There are exercise videos on youtube, and if you are reading this then you can get to youtube.  You can't exercise because it hurts?  There is something that anyone can do, you just have to be willing to put in the work to find out what it is.  For most of us walking is not a problem and it is an awesome exercise.  I don't want to hear that you can't walk for more than a couple minutes.  Usually what is meant is that they don't want to because it is uncomfortable and they are lazy.  Nobody said you had to go from couch potato to running marathons over night.  The key is to do what you can do every single day and soon enough you will see that you can do more and more and more.  If you truly do have a medical problem then you should talk to your doc, I promise that they can help you find ways you can lose weight.  You can't eat healthy because your kids won't eat that stuff?  If they are hungry they will eat what you give them and you will be a better parent for feeding them healthier food.  If you don’t give them the crap then maybe when they are adults they won’t have inherited the weight problems.  Your spouse stops you from eating healthy because they refuse to eat it?  If they can refuse then so can you.  They are old enough to fix their own food, you don’t have to fix junk.  Tell them if they want junk they need to get it themselves.  What they eat has nothing to do with what you put in your mouth and I doubt very seriously that they are going to up and leave you for wanting to be healthy (if they would, then why do you want them anyhow?).  The weighing and measuring is too hard?  Being fat isn't hard?  My weighing and measuring takes me a few moments per meal.  It is not that hard.  You can't eat better because you are addicted to sugar or chocolate, or caffeine or whatever?  Don't tell it to me.  I am an ex-smoker, an ex-chocoholic, an ex-carboholic, and a few other ex-something.  I also have a father and 2 brothers who are recovering alcoholics, and my father and one of the brothers are also ex-smokers and I have 2 more brothers who quit smoking.  There are tons of people out there who have conquered addictions.  I don't want to hear that you can't, because can't doesn't exist in my world.  I am so tired of hearing people’s excuses.  Just admit that you are lazy.  If you want to be lazy and unhealthy, that’s your business, just don’t try to blame it on others or tell me you can’t.  Nobody is sitting there forcing you to sit on the couch and polish off an entire bucket of fried chicken followed by a family sized bag of M&Ms.  I spent years being lazy and unhealthy, but I never once said it was someone else’s fault and I never claimed it was impossible for me to be better.  I have not found a miracle, I have not found some easy way out, I have just stopped being lazy, I decided I was more important than the cheeseburger was.  I am sorry that I can’t tell you that I have some pill you can take to melt the pounds away or some magic fruit that you can eat that takes away all the calories in the mounds of trash food you follow it with.  There is nothing that will allow you to keep living like that and also be fit.  The choice is to get over that dream or to stay as you are.  If you truly want it, you will do it.