Weigh In and NSV

Today I am 169.2.  Back out of the 170s, woohoo!  At the gym this morning, during power hour, I was able to do the jumps in between the double burpees.  Yep, I am a total rockstar!  Things like that are so much more important to me than the number on the scale.  It's just a number.  What should gravity's action have to do with my happiness with myself?  It's silly.  Yes, I have lost 75.8 pounds.  It is much more important to me that I can do 2 hours of zumba non-stop now when I could barely walk 15 minutes before.  I can do like 100 squats with 45 pounds on my back.  I can do push-ups.  I can do burpees and jump between them. I have lost 50.75 inches total. I have gone down more than 22.4% body fat, not really sure on that one because I didn't check it until about 2 months in and haven't checked it since April (darn broken machine). I have gone down 13.9 BMI points.  I have dropped my glucose levels from diabetic to normal.  I have dropped my cholesterol to healthy numbers.  I have lowered my blood pressure to a healthy score.  All of those things are so much more important to me than a silly number on the scale.

Depression and Food

So, for nearly a week now I have been depressed and eating whatever I want.  This is not good for my weight loss plans.  I am hoping to get back on track today.  I am hoping that posting this will give me some sort of accountability and help me to get back to normal and stick to it.  So far I am doing well.  I have had my normal breakfast and I have good plans for the rest of the day.  This morning I was 173.6

Yesterday I worked on purging my closet of clothing that is too big and that helped, it was kind of inspiring.  I also noticed that that I actually kinda like the naked me.  I find it funny that I noticed this at a time when I have been sooo off plan.  Maybe this noticing was given to me as a way to get me to get back to it?

Life

Weight Loss - My weight loss has slowed down to pretty much a halt.  There is a bit of me not trying hard enough, but I also have a doctor's appointment because I have spent more time in the last few months trying than not trying, but I'm still not losing.  I have decided to take my body bugg off for at least a few days and just not think about it.  I don't mean to go completely crazy and go back to my old eating ways, but I need a break from such extreme focus.

The rest of life - I have found a new church.  I like it.  The pastor wears jeans, and that is awesome.  It's a very friendly place and has a great children's program which is important because of the next new thing.  Hubby and I have started the process of adopting.  We are going through the county to adopt a foster child/children.  I am honestly hoping for a sibling set of 2-3 kids.  We are undecided so far about exactly what we are going to tell them about ages.  We have considered telling them 0-5 and we have also considered telling them up to 10 or that up to 10 would be good in a sibling set with younger kids.  We are currently in the process of prepping the house.  That means lots of sorting and clearing things out.  It also means we need to rehome some cats.  I think that 5 cats is too many anyhow, but if you add kids to it then that's definitely well above too many.

Goodbye Fat Roxy

Dear Fat Roxy,

    It is time for our relationship to be over.  This has been a lifelong relationship and I almost can’t believe that I am leaving it, but I am.  I am leaving for good.  I won’t say that I’m sorry that it’s over, but I also won’t say that I’m completely sorry to have known you.  There are reasons that you were in my life, reasons that I needed you, and I thank you for being here to help me with those things.  I don’t need you anymore, though, I can do it on my own. 

    I thank you for the lessons that you have taught me.  From you I have learned a lot about me, but there has been a lot of pain too.  Because of you I have spent way too much on clothes.  Shopping has been pure hell.  I  have spent years questioning myself and my self worth.  I have found myself crying because of being criticized by others.  I have regretted not taking part in things because I was too self conscious or didn’t have the energy.  You’ve made me feel guilty for enjoying food.  You’ve made me feel ugly and unwanted.  You have caused me health problems and self esteem issues.  You have made it difficult for me to relate to others.  You have made it hard for me to have a family.  You have made me self conscious and nervous.  You turned me into a self indulgent, whiny, brat.  You have taken away my energy.  I am tired of it and I will not take it any more.  I am never going to come back to you, we are done, finished, over!

    I have a new love.  My new love is Healthy Roxy.  Healthy Roxy has given me so much more.  I have learned that food is not something to feel guilty over.  I have learned that healthy food can be yummy and addictive.  I have learned self control.  I have learned that I can be powerful, strong, healthy, sexy, vibrant, and energetic.  I have learned that I want to run.  I have learned how to set and to smash goals.  I have learned that I really can do anything I set my mind to.  I have learned how to be a good role model.  I have learned not to be afraid.  I have learned that I don’t always have to do it the “girly” way.  I have learned that muscle is good.  I have learned good habits.  I have learned that sweat won’t kill me.  I have learned to be proud.  I have learned to participate.  I have learned to stop lying to myself.  I have learned that I DO NOT need the brownies.  I have learned to love and respect me.  So, Fat Roxy, I am leaving you for Healthy Roxy because she’s better for me.  I would like to say that had I never known you I would not be able to appreciate Healthy Roxy nearly as much, and for that I will always be grateful.  However, at this point I have gotten all I can from my relationship with you and you will never see me again.


Goodbye,
Roxy

Back with a Vengeance

So for most of March and about half of April I was not really in the game.  I was giving some half-hearted effort for most of it and I actually took 9 days completely off for my birthday week (not something I plan to do in future years).  During that time I bounced between the 175 I had worked so hard to get to by the end of February and about 184.  Part of it is that I started a new job, but I don't think that is a good enough excuse.  Plenty working folks manage to also find time for fitness.  So now I am back with a vengeance.  I plan to post more often as a way to keep myself accountable.  I have also decided to start planning out dinner for the month ahead of time (I already have May done).  I made it simple by sorting the days by meat choice (or lack of meat in the case of meatless Monday).  I am doing Sunday - bird, Monday - meatless,  Tuesday - fish, Wednesday - free day (that will be the day we eat leftovers or maybe go out to eat, whatever we feel like), Thursday - bird, Friday - pork, and Saturday - red meat.  After that was sorted it was just a matter of choosing a prep method, a good carb, and veggies for each day.  I don't usually choose veggies ahead of time though since for the most part what we eat is so simple and fast to prep.  We use frozen veggies, we toss the amount we want in a dish and microwave it, then we can each put seasoning on it as we like.  I have done meal plans a week ahead for a while now, but with the job thing I think planning a month ahead will free up a good deal of time for me. I'm currently at 172.6 and in a size 12.  I would like to be in a 10 by the end of July.  I know I can do that if I just stick to it and stop the excuses, so here it goes.